Ode to the Gobstopper

3:41 PM Posted by Heidi

Sweet misery.

You. The cause of so much pain and so much ecstasy. Your every color a joy to my senses, bringing with each one a different yet equally succulent taste as I rend and tear at you with my teeth, trying to devour you yet savor you in equal measure.

Your tantalizing layers conceal an effervescent center that simply melts between your teeth, trickling down your throat, delivering its sugary dose into your blood in bite size morsels. I know you only seek to destroy me, but still I pursue you. The very essence of your being wreaks havoc on the very tools which I use to make you a part of me.

Why. Why do you exist, sweet misery? What deranged mind is responsible for creating you? Who would put on this earth such a vile poison whose only purpose is to appeal to those that would be stricken by its ways? How could this Wonka be left free to roam in good conscience, with such a wretched delight unleashed upon the world? But when I dream of a lifetime empty of the destruction you have caused, sweet Gobstopper, I also mourn the languid moments my tongue spent caressing your uneven rock hard curves, my teeth doing their best not to interfere but being so beside themselves with envy that they inevitably mash you to bits and you are once again, a part of me.

So, Wonka, I come before you, prostrate, humbled by your great and powerful mind, and beg you... please never rid the world of your wonders. Your creations are great and wicked and we, being but your sheep, will surely fall by the way in the absence of their promise of another.

Damn you, Gobstoppers. Damn you and may you rot in Hell for your sins against my teeth for all of eternity in a fiery pit of boiling tar.. but would that I should join you, for surely my sins are of equal measure, when I too arrive.

Until we meet again.


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